


To date or not to date

by xJane



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24309223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xJane/pseuds/xJane
Summary: Lucas Lallemant didn’t date. Absolutely, definitely, undeniably, unquestionably not. His record was entirely blank. His friends had tried everything over the years: begging him, cajoling him, threatening him, mocking him, even blackmailing him – but Lucas just didn’t date.Why date, when the one person he had been in love with since the day he realized what loving someone meant, was unavailable?***Or, three chapters of lovesick puppy Lucas (and one chapter of fluff).
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 42
Kudos: 234





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this one is NOT just cute and fluffy, consider yourselves warned.
> 
> It is a lot of pining and angst, but don't worry, all will end well for Elu. Just be patient. :)

Lucas Lallemant didn’t date. Absolutely, definitely, undeniably, unquestionably _not_. His record was entirely blank. His friends had tried everything over the years: begging him, cajoling him, threatening him, mocking him, even blackmailing him – but Lucas just didn’t date. For a while, it had seemed his coming out had brought their efforts to a halt, but then they had just doubled down and kept asking every random boy they deemed somewhat handsome – even if Lucas kept pointing out they had zero taste – if he was into guys, to the mortification of both Lucas and most of the bewildered accosted boys.

He wasn’t completely innocent, though. He had made out with random guys at the occasional party, even had gone for a quick and dirty handjob in a bathroom stall at some club the boys had dragged him to one drunken night, but he wasn’t interested in anything more than that.

At least, that’s what he told his friends, when they once again had nothing better to do than dissect his non-existent love life.

But late at night, in the safety of his own bed, he knew the truth. Why date, when the one person he had been in love with since the day he realized what loving someone meant, was unavailable?

Eliott Demaury.

His best friend, ever since the Demaurys had moved into their building and Lucas had gotten into trouble with Eliott – the cool new kid, a whole two years older, and so confident Lucas couldn’t _not_ be drawn in by the boy’s considerable charms and convincing powers – on the third day after the move, for drawing all over the stairway walls. They remained of the opinion that their creations were a lot better than the dirty off-white paint that had been there before _and_ the clean off-white that had been painted over their artwork, but their parents hadn’t agreed and they had both been grounded for weeks. After that, the first time they had been allowed out again, under strict instructions to not vandalize – vandalize! The word alone! – anything and not get into any trouble whatsoever, they had sat in the park and swore they’d always stick together. 

Six years later they still kept their promise. They had been there for each other during thick and thin, Lucas putting comforting arms around Eliott when he was diagnosed with bipolar, and when the first girl he liked rejected him, and Eliott drawing doodles to cheer Lucas up through the rough times with his mom and drying his tears after his dad left. Sometimes Lucas thought he fell in love during their stairway painting session, at the tender age of ten, before he even realized what love was; but either way, by the time he was thirteen and his body reacted to Eliott’s hugs in ways that were new and scary and thrilling in equal measure, he knew for sure.

But by that time, Eliott had already been with Lucille, and even though they’d broken up countless times over the past years, they always got back together even faster, too.

So Lucas just didn’t date. Period.

It was pathetic, he knew. But every time he looked at Eliott, his heart melted, and his blood boiled, and all he knew was that he’d do anything for Eliott, and that he’d sacrifice food and drink and _air_ if only Eliott would smile at him in that breath-taking way of his, with his mouth wide and his sparkling eyes crinkly and full of stars. 

Like he was doing now.

They still met up at least once a week, to do nothing but watch a movie or play a video game or, most of the time, just lay together on Eliott’s bed or the floor in Lucas’ room, staring at the ceiling and talking about anything and everything. They no longer stole juice packs and cookies from their mothers’ cupboards, they rather bought a few cheap beers and junk food; but nothing else had changed. They still shared everything – well, Lucas thought guiltily, _Eliott_ did, at least. Sometimes, on nights like this, when they’d smoked Eliott’s weed together, and the sweet, strong smell lingered in the room, and Eliott looked at him through half-lidded eyes, Lucas had to stop himself from blurting it all out from where he kept it bottled up, the one secret he hid from Eliott, beating against his ribs like a bird flapping its wings against the cage, knowing it couldn’t stay confined for much longer. He had to look away, force his gaze from Eliott’s face, force himself to take a breath and look at the drawing on the wall, where a raccoon was holding on tightly to a graceful, beautiful, slender cat.

“Lucas?”

“Hmmm.”

Lucas turned his head slowly, finding Eliott already looking at him. His smile had disappeared. God, as much as Lucas could barely hold it together when Eliott smiled at him, he still preferred that over the serious, slightly sad look that shone in his eyes now. 

“I broke up with her.”

Oh. Lucas had stopped counting a long time ago. This was how it had been for years, Eliott would break up with Lucille, Lucas would get his hopes up, would think he might have a chance, that this would be the time when Eliott would realize who was always there for him, would finally see him as a _possibility_ – only for Eliott and Lucille to get back together, Eliott’s eyes shiny and bright when he’d arrive at Lucas’ with kiss-swollen lips.

Lucas had learned to guard his heart, to tamper down the treacherous _hope_ and _want_ that threatened to bloom inside, threatened to spill over and fill the room, the flat, _Paris_ – and so he hummed, non-committedly, his eyes flitting back to the drawing, the raccoon and the cat, that never went down even once, even during their longest break-up, which lasted three weeks and during which Eliott had gone out with three different boys, breaking Lucas’ heart to the point where he’d thought he’d never be able to feel whole ever again.

“Okay,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, proud of how unaffected he sounded.

“No, Lucas, I mean it. This time we are not getting back together, I swear. She… She is not good for me, Lucas…”

Lucas agreed. But the precedent was not in Eliott’s favor. 

“Okay,” he said again, simply, leaving it at that, sure his voice would break if he tried to say more.

He thought of the time they had been at a party at Emma’s, a couple of months ago, the last time Eliott and Lucille had been on a break – or was it the time before last? Eliott had joined Yann, Arthur, and Basile into pointing out any guy that looked even remotely available to Lucas – but at least Eliott’s picks were somewhat attractive – as long as Lucas didn’t look at Eliott himself. But after a while, when Lucas had drunk half a bottle of vodka and told the boys he’d go and hook up with the first guy they would agree on, Eliott had started finding flaws with everybody the gang had chosen. _Not him_ , he’d scoff, _Lucas doesn’t like dark eyes_ – and how would Eliott even know that, Lucas wondered –,or _Lucas is way too good for that one_ , or _he’s just an ass, I wouldn’t want him to touch Lucas with a ten-foot pole_ , or just an emphatic _absolutely not_. Great, Lucas had thought, cockblocked by my best friend, my long-suffered crush; and he had drunk the other half of the bottle while the gang had gotten tired of looking at men and had left them to go flirt with some first-year girls. Eliott had looked at Lucas and had pulled him in a close hug, saying _You shouldn’t hook up with anybody here, Lucas, I couldn’t stand it, really_ and that was just it, wasn’t it? Lucas, too drunk to hold back, had laughed bitterly and shoved Eliott away. He’d made out with some blonde jock later that night, and the next day, Eliott had made up with Lucille.

“Lucas…”

Eliott’s voice seemed to come from afar, as if he was unsure of what to say, like he wanted something from Lucas that Lucas wasn’t giving – but Lucas couldn’t do it, he couldn’t pretend to be sympathetic, to console Eliott, to put his arms around him knowing that it would always be just that, Lucas soothing Eliott who got heart-broken over other people, and telling Lucas how lucky he was to have him as his best friend.

Another memory came to him, unbidden. It had been an evening much like this one, Eliott and him on Eliott’s bed, just lazily smoking, and not saying much, content just to be together. It had been cold in the room, but they had the window open nevertheless to let the smoke dissipate, and when Lucas had shivered, Eliott had pulled him close to his chest. Lucas had burrowed as close as he could get, and after a while Eliott’s fingers had started tracing patterns on Lucas’ back, feather-light, but for Lucas it was enough to feel every move burning. After a while, collecting all his courage, he’d lifted his head from where it was hidden against Eliott’s chest, and he’d been floored by the soft look in Eliott’s eyes. He’d tried to form a coherent sentence, shocked by Eliott’s dark pupils, and when he’d bitten his bottom lip nervously, Eliott’s gaze had flitted to his mouth. He had felt his heart hammering so fast he thought it’d beat a hole in his chest, certain Eliott could feel it, certain Eliott could read his mind. Eliott had bowed his head and Lucas had been frozen, focused on the lips he dreamt of kissing every single night, when Eliott’s ringtone had broken the spell. They’d jumped away from each other, and Eliott had answered, nothing but nonchalance discernible in his voice, _Hey honey, what’s up? Just hanging out with Lucas, and you?_ and Lucas had closed his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek to refrain from crying.

He jumped up, suddenly done with it, done with the whole situation, done with Eliott.

“Sorry, Eliott. I’m sorry you are sad over your break-up, but I can’t help you with that anymore. I have to go.”

He grabbed his backpack, his phone, his jacket, and was gone before Eliott fully comprehended what was going on.

“Lucas! Wait!”

But Lucas didn’t wait. For the first time since he was ten years old, he walked away from Eliott Demaury.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I added a chapter, but don't worry, the pining will still be over by the end of chapter three! I only added some gratuitous fluff at the end, because, well, we all can use some more fluff right now, can't we?
> 
> So, some more heartache for Lucas in this one, but don't worry, all will be well soon, I promise. Just hang in there.

“I am gonna start dating.”

It was the first thing he had blurted out when Eliott had opened the door. It had been over a week since he’d left Eliott, the longest they’d ever gone without contact, and during that time Lucas had decided he’d let himself be hurt to the bone by Eliott enough. So he’d gone over with pizza and beer, and he’d just said it. The short pain, and all that shit. Eliott’s eyes had gone wide, and for a moment he had seemed stunned, stricken almost, and the blood had left his face, but before Lucas could say anything else a tight-lipped smile had appeared on Eliott’s face.

“Lucas! You brought food! Come in, let’s eat.”

And thus they found themselves back in the old familiar pattern, eating, talking about whatever came to mind – except Lucas’ announcement, or what happened last time. For some reason, they hadn’t gone to Eliott’s room, but rather were sitting on the couch in the living room. Lucas was glad of it, he didn’t think he could handle the intimacy of Eliott’s room, but on the other hand, it seemed his rushed statement had changed everything between them irrevocably. But that was what he’d wanted, wasn’t it? He’d get over Eliott, and there’d be no more blurred lines which made his heart sing and his hope rise as if it had taken flight.

The room had grown dark, and Lucas’ throat constricted when he looked at Eliott, illuminated by the soft moonlight shining in through a gap in the curtains. God, why did he have to be so _gorgeous_? Lucas knew he could date every guy in Paris and still not find anybody like Eliott. He was an idiot for thinking he’d be able to get over him. Suddenly, he needed to get out. Short dosages of Eliott, that was what he needed to limit himself to, wean himself of his addiction to Eliott’s smile, Eliott’s voice, Eliott’s scent clogging up his nostrils and turning his brain to mush.

“It’s late.”

“What? No, Lucas, it’s not even eleven yet…”

“I have school work to do in the morning… I should go…” He stood up, hastily, stumbling. “But we’ll see each other around, yeah?”

He knew he was retreating, running, fleeing from Eliott’s dizzying proximity.

“Wait.” Eliott stood too, grabbed Lucas’ wrist, steadied him. “Lucas, wait. We need to talk about what you said.”

Fuck.

Lucas did _not_ want to discuss things with Eliott, but he should have known Eliott would not let it go. With a resigned sigh, he sat back down, on the floor, his back against the sofa. Eliott looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face, and lowered himself to sit next to Lucas, their shoulders brushing. Lucas moved in what he hoped was a casual way, needing some space between them. He stared right ahead. If he looked at Eliott, his resolve would crumble like the sandcastles they used to make when they were kids, late at night, powerless against the conquering tide.

“You don’t date. You don’t like dating.”

Lucas almost laughed with the absurdity. _Because you are not the one with me, idiot_.

He closed his eyes.

“It’s time. I can’t stay alone forever, can I? If I don’t go out, I’ll never find somebody I want to stay with, you know, long term…”

“You’re still young… You’ve got lots of time…”

Lucas definitely wasn’t going to let Eliott talk him out of this.

“You were younger when you got together with Lucille.”

He remembered how excited Eliott had been. _I kissed her, Lucas, with my_ tongue _in her_ mouth _, it was so cool, Lucas – no, it’s not gross at all, just wait until you find a girl you like_ ; and Lucas had known kissing girls was indeed gross, whatever Eliott might have to say about it. He remembered asking Eliott timidly whether they would still be best friends, now that he had a _girlfriend_ , and Eliott had laughed. _Of course, Lucas, you’re only thirteen, you don’t understand that a best friend and a girlfriend are completely different things_ – but Lucas had thought that Eliott with all the wisdom of his fifteen years had things completely wrong, because to Lucas a best friend and a boyfriend sounded perfectly compatible.

“And look how that turned out, Lucas! We are not good for each other, but we still kept ending up back together for years, out of fear of putting ourselves out there… That was not love, Lucas, it was fear, and complacency!”

Lucas caught on to the past time.

“Was?”

Eliott jumped up, running a hand through his hair like he always did when he got frustrated, and at the same time biting his bottom lip as if he was nervous.

“I told you, Lucas! Didn’t you listen? Were you too busy with yourself to hear me when I told you we broke up, for real?”

Lucas was taken aback by the anger in Eliott’s voice.

“That’s unfair, Eliott. Of course, I heard you, but how many times have you said those exact same words? Five hundred times? And how many times have you gone back to her? Five hundred and one times, Eliott.”

“It’s been almost two weeks, Lucas. This time we are over. Why won’t you believe me?”

Lucas’ eye fell on the drawing that had been tacked to the wall for the past two-and-a-half years. The raccoon and the cat. He had felt such a hot flame of jealousy surging through his veins when Eliott had shown it to him. At first, he hadn’t understood, until Eliott had talked enthusiastically about how Lucille was _elegant as a cat, and she thinks on her feet, and she is so cute and soft_ – and all Lucas had taken away from it was that it was no longer a raccoon and a hedgehog in Eliott’s doodles, _on Eliott’s mind_ , but a raccoon and a cat. He’d felt all his hedgehog spikes rise, thinking he could take a cat, he’d roll up in a prickly ball and any cat coming close would leave with bloodied paws and a bloodied mouth – _let’s see if you want to kiss her_ then _, Eliott_ – and he’d unfurl only when a raccoon would come by and they’d hug. And then, after the first break-up between Eliott and Lucille, he’d thought the hedgehog had won, the cat was gone, but the drawing had remained and so, it turned out, had the cat.

“It’s been two weeks before, Eliott… I know you believe it’s over, but _I_ know sooner rather than later the two of you will kiss and make up, until next time I have to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart again. I am the one who has to get you through it, Eliott, time and time again, letting you cry on my shoulder, talking you through it all, every single fucking time. It’s not fair, Eliott, to keep putting me through this.”

Eliott’s eyes snapped to Lucas’. Something was shining in them which Lucas couldn’t exactly pinpoint in the weak light – disbelief, and hurt, maybe?

“I didn’t know I was being such a burden.” His voice was cold, but the words came haltingly. 

Oh, fuck. Even though Lucas knew his grudges were justified, he couldn’t help but react to the pain in Eliott’s voice, couldn’t help but want to make everything right for him, to make all bad things disappear.

“That’s not what I – you are not a burden, Eliott –”

Eliott sat down, cautiously.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Lucas…”

“Me neither…”

It was true. Lucas didn’t ever want to fight with Eliott. He could count their fights on one hand, and bitterly he realized there was only ever one subject they fought about.

“Anyway, Lucas, this was the last time. I was being unjust towards her, and myself, and – well. It’s just really over, Lucas, I mean it.”

He sounded so certain.

“But why, then, Eliott? What is so different this time?”

Eliott stayed silent for so long Lucas thought he was not going to answer. They sat next to each other, inches apart, but Lucas had never felt more distance between them. It was a nerve-racking feeling, as if something big was going to happen, and whatever it was, they were never going to be the same ever after. Lucas wanted to take it all back, tell Eliott to forget everything he’d said, beg him to just watch a movie together and get high, as they had done a thousand times before, and they’d just remain Lucas and Eliott, best friends, without any awkward silences and unspoken secrets and hidden scars to mess things up between them.

But then Eliott whispered, softly into the dark room, his eyes straight ahead, not looking at Lucas.

“I am in love with somebody else.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Lucas' suffering will be over and our boys finally get their shit together!

Lucas Lallemant was waiting for his first fucking date ever. It would have been a lot better if it hadn’t been a blind date, and it would have been fucking great if it hadn’t been set up by his best friend-slash-secret love.

He leaned his elbows on the table and hid his face in his hands.

He hadn’t recovered yet, hadn't found his footing again, still felt how the earth had opened up underneath him when Eliott had made that confession to him, only a few days ago, ready to swallow him, to consume him in liquid lava, to burn him up wholly.

“Wh-what?”

“I fell in love with someone else, Lucas… I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did anyway… And I am scared shitless…”

“Huh? But - why?”

Eliott had sighed, his arms around his torso as if he wanted to hug himself, give himself comfort. Lucas ached to reach out, to take away all Eliott’s sadness and take it on himself. 

“I don’t know if they’ll ever feel the same.”

Lucas had almost laughed out loud at that. _Then they’re a fucking idiot_ , he wanted to say, _who in their right mind could ever_ not _love you, Eliott, you are the sun and the moon and all the stars, in all the universes…_ But of course, he had said no such thing, just sat in shocked silence, frozen to the ground. Eliott was in love. In _love_. With somebody else, somebody new, somebody who Lucas wanted to kill, whoever they were; and at the same time shake them and tell them about the wonders of Eliott Demaury until they loved him back, as much as Lucas did, so Eliott would no longer sit next to him in a small hunched heap of hopelessness and he would once again laugh with his full body.

God, Eliott’s laughter. It was mesmerizing to Lucas, who always saw the dark cloud rather than the silver lining, how easily Eliott found beauty, and warmth, and joy in the world, and never hesitated to show it, share it with Lucas, shaking with unabashed laughter, until Lucas was filled with light to the brim, _Eliott’s_ light.

But that night, Eliott’s light had been dimmer than ever, and Lucas had felt the dark grow inside him, between them, engulf them, and he was helpless against it, and all he could think was that love was pain, for Lucas, but he would never complain about it if only Eliott would not have to learn that lesson. He’d just sat next to Eliott, wordless, not looking at him, and Eliott had hugged himself, until minutes or hours had passed and Eliott had murmured _Say something,_ _Lucas_. Lucas had tried to, really, but in the end all he could do was shrug his shoulders helplessly. _Anyway_ , _just so you know,_ Eliott had finally whispered, as if it pained him, and he had started a movie they both had seen before, so it didn’t matter that neither of them had paid attention.

Nothing more had been said that evening, not about Eliott’s admission, nor about Lucas plans. But things had indeed shifted between them, Lucas could feel it, and he knew Eliott felt it too. The air between them was full of unspoken truths and for the first time in all the long years of their friendship, they were holding back. The silence was stilted, scary, and when they spoke it was strange and stiff. Lucas had gone home, and he’d laid awake in his bed until the sun came back up, and wished he could turn the clock, to two weeks ago, or maybe to six years ago, so he could walk away when Eliott suggested they paint the wall – no, not that, not ever that. Even all this heartache was worth it for the joy of knowing Eliott, loving Eliott. 

And then Eliott had called, he’d sounded relaxed, open.

“Lucas? Did you mean what you said yesterday?”

He’d said a lot of things, and he’d meant most of them, but even so, he still wanted to retract them, take them back, put them back in his chest where they belonged.

“About you dating, I mean.” 

Lucas had balled his free hand to a fist and squeezed so hard he broke the skin of his palms with his nails. _I fell in love with someone else, Lucas._

“Yeah.” He was proud he sounded so casual. “I mean, might as well.”

And then – once again, Eliott ripped his heart out of his chest, held it red and raw in his hands.

“Good. Friday. I’ll set you up with somebody I know.”

And Lucas had gritted out, through clenched teeth, _okay, but if he’s an asshole, Demaury, I swear I’ll come after you_ and hung up just in time, seconds before the dam broke and the tears streamed over his face until his eyes were puffy and his nose runny and his throat sore; and he felt so lonely and forlorn that he wondered if he’d ever actually feel able to connect to somebody, _anybody_ , ever again.

And now he was here, _dressed up_ for fuck’s sake, and the fucking dickhead Eliott had set him up with didn’t even bother to show up on time. 

He bowed his head, hid between his arms, not knowing how he’d survive the next two hours, making small talk to some unknown guy, knowing that it was an acquaintance of Eliott’s and Eliott would probably hear all about the disaster it was sure to be. He groaned out loud. _God, just kill me now_.

“Lucas?”

His head whipped up so fast he thought he’d snapped his neck.

In front of him, clasping his hands together, wide eyes looking everywhere but at Lucas, breathing hard, stood Eliott.

Lucas banged his forehead on the table, once, twice, in rapid succession. Eliott sprang to him, pulled him back, looking bewildered.

“What is it, Eliott? Is your friend standing me up?” Lucas felt his eyes pricking. “He decided he could do better?”

He couldn’t do this anymore, he really couldn’t – he wished he'd ordered a drink already, he wanted to drink until he wouldn’t have to remember anything, until he would anesthetize enough of his brain to be able to breathe again.

“No, Lucas, that’s not it… I – God.”

Eliott ran his hands through his hair and slumped down across the table from Lucas.

“Lucas. Anybody stupid enough to decide they could do better than you, wouldn’t be my friend.”

Not tonight, Lucas thought. No meaningless compliments from Eliott, no vaguely flirty statements.

“Shut up, Eliott. So what bad news are you here to tell me then? His grandmom died?”

He saw how his cynical words cut into Eliott, how Eliott sank even more into himself, but Lucas couldn’t bring himself to care any longer.

“He just got back together with his ex earlier today, Eliott? That’s it, isn’t it?”

He kept lashing out, frantically trying to cause pain so he wouldn’t have to focus on his own. He couldn’t keep anything in anymore, all these bottled emotions needed to come out, he’d been shaken enough to make it all explode, consequences be damned.

“No! No, Lucas, stop! Please!”

Lucas shut his mouth in a tight line, furiously staring at Eliott.

“It’s not like that at all. Lucas… God, please just listen to me, Lucas, please… There was nobody.”

Silence hung over the table, and the waitress who tentatively ventured closer to take their order quickly dashed back when the walls of tension pulsing between them hit her.

“Lucas? Say something.”

“What do you mean, Eliott? What do you mean when you say there was nobody?”

Lucas sounded so fucking calm it was unnatural to his own ears. His voice had dropped to a barely audible whisper, but his words were sharp as a knife.

“I… haven’t set you up. You weren’t supposed to meet a friend of mine tonight.”

“What?”

All color left Lucas’ face, and his voice was hardly a whisper. This must be a joke. There was no way in hell that his best friend for years, that the boy Lucas had cradled whenever he felt lonely, or unloved, or got lost so deep in his own dark brain that nobody could reach him, the boy Lucas had come running to at the drop of a hat whenever he needed Lucas, no questions asked – that _Eliott_ had pranked Lucas like this. He gaped at Eliott, fidgeting with the tablecloth, not looking Lucas in the eye – and Lucas thought he’d never known Eliott at all. He was in love with a total stranger, somebody who’d play malicious games with him – and a red haze floated before his eyes, and he grabbed it, held on to it, wanted to wallow in fury so as not to crumble.

“What, Eliott? You’d thought to mess poor little Lucas up even more than you already have? Play a nasty little trick on stupid old Lucas? Stomp on him when he’s down? Set him up on a fake date, and laugh at his misery? Fuck you, Eliott. Fuck you.”

“That’s not what I’m doing… I… What do you mean, I have messed you up, Lucas? When have I done that? You’re my best friend!”

Lucas scoffed, laughing mirthlessly.

“Some best friend. What have I ever done to you to deserve this, Eliott? This is the lowest thing you could ever have come up with. People’s feelings are not a game.”

“I know! You don’t understand! Lucas… I didn’t set you up with a friend –”

“We’ve established that, Eliott! I know my wretchedness is just a joke for you!” Lucas’ voice rose.

“– because I set you up with myself!”

And at that, Lucas couldn’t keep it together any longer. The tears which had been threatening to spill since Eliott showed up shone in his eyes, and his voice was raspy, broken.

“That makes it even more cruel, then, Eliott… So you found out how I feel, and you’d set this whole thing up, you’d come here to taunt me with it? God, Eliott. Who are you, and what have you done to the Eliott I knew?”

Lucas couldn’t hold back the sobs any longer, but even through his tears he kept his gaze on Eliott, willing him to see all the hurt flowing from Lucas like an ocean. Eliott didn’t react, didn’t move, just sat there, looking – aghast. 

“Lucas… what… I don’t understand…”

“Imagine how I feel then! I know you don’t love me, Eliott, I know that, and I never asked you to, but you just coming here to throw my feelings back in my face is… It’s – can’t you see how badly you’re hurting me?”

“But… God.” Eliott grabbed his wrists, and even though Lucas pulled back, the touch searing his skin, Eliott didn’t let go. Lucas turned his head, suddenly exhausted, beat.

“Lucas. Look at me. Listen to me. Lucas. I do. Love you, I mean. I love you, Lucas. I’m in love with you. God, I am so in love with you… I feel like it’s eating me alive, I’ve wanted to tell you a million times, but I didn’t think you’d want to hear it - but I do, I _love_ you, it’s all I can think about, all I want to do is tell you, again and again. I love you, Lucas, I am so fucking, totally, completely in love with you!”

He almost shouted the last words, and they broke through Lucas’ haze, and he lifted his head.

Nothing was said. Eliott looked Lucas straight in the eyes.

“What?”

Eliott laughed, a strange, stilted laugh, but a laugh nevertheless, and somehow that soothed Lucas’ frayed feelings.

“Oh, God, Lucas, I love you! I was so afraid when you said you were gonna start dating, and I knew I needed to tell you, but everything seemed so fucked up between us, you seemed so… determined, so... so withdrawn, and I – I panicked, Lucas. I wanted to set you up and show up myself. I know it was stupid, but I just couldn't think straight, I thought I'd lose you. I just thought - I thought I’d try to show you we could be good together, open your eyes to the possibility of us dating, of us being _boyfriends_ …”

Oh. _Oh_. Lucas felt dizzy, and his head ached, but Eliott was holding his hands, and his thumbs stroked over Lucas’ skin, and all Lucas could focus on was Eliott’s last word. Boyfriends. Boyfriends, Eliott and him, boyfriends. He pulled one hand out of Eliott’s grip – ignoring the whimper escaping Eliott – and furiously wiped at the tears pooling in his eyes.

“I’ve known we could be good together for ages, Eliott, you were the one who said best friends and romantic partners were different things.”

“I know. God, I was so stupid.”

“You’re in love with me?”

“I am.” Eliott moved his hands from Lucas’ wrist to his jaws, his thumbs stroking away the tears Lucas missed. “I told you I fell in love with somebody else, Lucas…”

“But you said you didn’t know if they felt the same…”

“Because I didn’t!”

Lucas closed his eyes and leaned into Eliott’s hypnotizing touch.

“How could you not know, Eliott? I’ve been in love with you for _years_!”

When he opened his eyes again, Eliott was looking at him, dazed, but with a wide dazzling smile that was so blinding that Lucas felt himself fall into it, leaning over the table, blinking away the pesky tears that started to spill again.

“Don’t cry, Lucas, my love…” Eliott’s voice sounded soft, so soft.

“It’s happy tears, I swear.” Lucas laughed. “You really love me?”

Eliott stood up, not letting go of Lucas, and pulled him to his feet.

“Can I show you?”

And Lucas knew everything - all the heartache, all the longing, all the tears - had led to this moment, this glorious moment, with Eliott’s eyes shining like diamonds, his pupils dark, their lips a breath away from each other, their hearts beating against each other’s chest.

“Please.”

And then they – finally, finally! – kissed, and it was as if the future rolled itself out behind their closed eyelids.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... while editing I realized I had a bit of a Chekhov’s gun in chapter one that hadn't been fired by chapter three (google it if you don't know the principle, I find it handy to keep in mind while I write), and it led to a short fluffy epilogue.
> 
> So I hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> And that's it for this story! Thanks for sticking with me!

Lucas loved every date Eliott had taken him on, and today was no exception. 

Eliott just loved to plan grand gestures – picnics in the park, stargazing on the roof, three dozen red roses – he pulled out all the stops to woo Lucas. Not that Lucas needed wooing in the first place.

It was as if Eliott felt he had to proof something to him, or make up for all the hurt, even though Lucas had sworn that Eliott was forgiven, _really, babe, there’s nothing even to forgive, you didn’t know_ , only to have Eliott claim vehemently _but I should have, Lucas, you’re my best friend_ – an argument that had ended in them solemnly forgiving each other for the past and pledging to look only to the future, _minute by minute_. And if they had sealed that pact with a kiss, well – Lucas definitely saw the advantages of sealing each and every promise in that manner from now on.

A smile on Lucas’ lips, he tangled his hand in Eliott’s hair and snuggled closer. It felt amazing to just be able to do that, touch Eliott, kiss Eliott. They relished walking hand in hand, loved sending each other cheesy texts, savored meeting up after a long day apart, just hugging close, holding tight, until it felt like their skin bled into one. He had lost track of how many dates they’d been on, but each and every one was precious, even that first one, the one that could have ended in disaster.

It had been such a whirlwind of emotions. Eliott said it didn’t even count as a date, because they’d left the restaurant without even ordering anything, but Lucas argued that since it had ended up with them kissing, them getting together, it absolutely had been a date.

In fact, if he was honest, it was his favorite date – _so far_ , Eliott had grumbled when Lucas had said as much, _I’ll show you what a good date is, Lucas, I swear_. They’d kissed for what felt like hours, but in reality had only been a few minutes, and when they had let go of each other’s lips, gasping for air, they had laughed, and Eliott had pressed his mouth against Lucas’ smile, and tugged him by the hand.

They’d left, hand in hand, equally wide smiles on both their faces. The waitress had yelled something, but they hadn’t paid attention, and ran out into the street where it had started raining. They hadn’t cared about getting drenched, running hand in hand, laughing, stopping every few minutes to kiss, kiss, _kiss_ as if their lives depended on it – which, in Lucas’ mind, it kind of did, anyway.

And Eliott had kept repeating it, peppering kisses on Lucas’ jaw – _I love you_ , Lucas’ nose – _I love you_ , Lucas’ forehead – _I love you_ , Lucas’ eyes – _I love you, Lucas_. 

They’d ended up at Eliott’s, soaked to the bone, but brimming with joy, with this new-found thing burning between them. 

There had been some hesitation, standing back in the place Lucas had left broken-hearted only a few days ago. Everything had changed between them, and at the same time, they were the same they always were, and it would take some time to get used to their last secret being unveiled, and for the wounds of the past to heal.

Lucas’ eyes had fallen on the drawing, and for a brief second he was transported to another time, where he was listening to Eliott telling him about kissing Lucille, and he’d gotten quiet. He’d managed to shake the unease, running a finger over his lips, swollen from kissing, telling himself it didn’t matter anymore, that Eliott was his now.

Eliott had looked at Lucas tenderly, but gingerly. 

“Lucas? Is everything okay? I love you, remember?”

Eliott knew him so well, and Lucas had felt blessed to not have to hold back anymore, to not have to bite his tongue to keep from spilling his secrets. He had walked over to Eliott, who’d immediately taken him into his arms, and he had hidden his face against Eliott’s shoulder.

“I remember. It’s just… for a moment…”

“What, my love?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid, really…”

Eliott had pulled back, tilted Lucas’ head up with a caressing finger under his chin, and he’d looked at Lucas earnestly.

“It’s not stupid if it bothers you, Lucas. No more secrets, okay? We tell each other everything, no matter how stupid or insignificant.”

Lucas had nodded, enthralled by Eliott’s eyes, so affectionate and open.

“It’s just… The drawing. Of you and Lucille… It’s been here all this time, every time you guys broke up, and it’s just… I kept thinking that if you and her really were over, you’d take it down… That if you still had it up, it meant you hadn’t given up on her…”

Eliott looked confused.

“What drawing?” He searched the room, finally locking in on it.

“Oh, Lucas. I am sorry. I honestly forgot that was there.”

He went over in two long strides, and took it down, crumpled it in his large hand.

“Come here. I want to show you something else.”

He took something out of his desk. Lucas watched him with curious eyes as he held it out. It looked like a stack of paper. Lucas went willingly – he’d go wherever Eliott wanted him to go, really.

And then – Eliott handed him a thick bundle of notes, and Lucas leafed through them, and he looked up at Eliott in awe.

“Eliott…”

Hundreds of drawings of a raccoon and a hedgehog jumped out from the small papers, so obviously being in love – holding hands, kissing, laughing together. There was one of a sleeping hedgehog, with a short line in Eliott’s handwriting, stating it was beautiful in its slumber. There were a few sketches of the raccoon watching the hedgehog from afar, looking sad and lonely. One showed the raccoon throwing away note after note, and there was one where the raccoon finished a note that started with ‘Dear Lucas’ and put it in the hedgehog’s backpack. And dozens of the hedgehog and the raccoon simply smiling at each other, hearts in their eyes. Drawing after drawing, Lucas felt Eliott’s love leap out of the paper and take hold in his heart.

“They are amazing, Eliott… I love you too, you know.”

And they had stood there, both hardly believing they finally held the boy of their dreams in their arms.

And then, when Lucas had shivered in his sopping wet clothes, Eliott’s eyes had gotten dark, and his voice had dropped to something low and sultry, like burnt caramel, twisting Lucas’ insides.

“You need to warm up. Go take a hot shower.”

And Lucas had waited long enough, had wondered and _wanted_ long enough, and he had taken Eliott by the hand and dragged him to the bathroom, and it had not been the hot water that had made Lucas feel warmer and safer than ever before, but rather the heat in Eliott’s eyes.

They’d explored every inch of each other’s skin with trembling fingers and wandering lips, until the water had turned too cold to linger, and they’d tumbled into Eliott’s bed, not even bothering to take the time to dry off.

And even Eliott agreed with Lucas that whatever fancy and elaborate date he came up with for them, the best part was always that: getting home together, to Eliott’s bed, where they could drop all pretense and just be Lucas and Eliott, all tangled limbs and dancing tongues.

So when it was Lucas’ turn to decide on a date, this is what they did. They laid on Eliott’s bed, or the floor of Lucas’ room, as they had done for the past six years, and they told each other everything. Maybe there was quite a bit more kissing involved these days, and occasionally quite a bit fewer clothes, but who cared about the details – as long as Lucas got the dates he wanted. And with Eliott, he always did.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to point out any mistakes.
> 
> Also, please leave a comment if you'd like. <3


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